“It’s me. Hi. I’m the problem. It’s me.” The Agony and the Ecstasy of Accountability
Shame is an excruciating emotion that makes it hard (or impossible) to be seen as hurtful, fallible, or wrong.
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Hilary Jacobs Hendel | The Change Triangle
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Hilary Jacobs Hendel
- Jun 7
- 4 min
What Does Connection Feel Like?
Being connected feels good and right. But have you ever asked yourself, "What does connection feels like?"
Hilary Jacobs Hendel
- Dec 10, 2023
- 5 min
Loosening the Grip of Perfectionism (Part 1)
Perfectionism gives us the illusion of control in the midst of emotions that feel out of control, especially when we’re young.
Hilary Jacobs Hendel
- Aug 7, 2023
- 4 min
One Fast, Easy Tip To Combat Self Consciousness & Social Anxiety
Ever walk into a room and feel all eyes are looking at you? You imagine people are judging your every flaw. You start to shrink and think...
Hilary Jacobs Hendel
- Jul 12, 2023
- 2 min
Why You Just Can't “Get Over It”
For many of us, our early experiences with emotions involved us being told to "get over it" in one way or another.
Hilary Jacobs Hendel
- Feb 8, 2023
- 4 min
Detaching with Love and Openheartedness
My teenagers' dark and surly moods, my husband's anxiety, my mother's rare show of displeasure, and my father's anger and frugality, all...
Hilary Jacobs Hendel
- Aug 7, 2022
- 5 min
My Crooked Path to Becoming a Psychotherapist & Striving to Be My Authentic Self
Changing careers was scary, but hating my job was worse.
Hilary Jacobs Hendel
- May 9, 2022
- 4 min
“He’s an Idiot!” Considering the Judgments We All Make
"He's an idiot," my father would snap when someone didn't do something the way he wanted. It didn't bother me then. But now I realize my...
Hilary Jacobs Hendel
- Oct 10, 2021
- 7 min
5 Crucial Qualities to Seek in a Life Partner
Dating tips for finding emotional intimacy and connection
Hilary Jacobs Hendel
- Aug 8, 2021
- 5 min
Pick Your Poison: Guilt or Resentment
For most of us the “guilt versus resentment choice” will rear its difficult head. When those times arise, here are some tips that might.
Hilary Jacobs Hendel
- May 6, 2020
- 8 min
Rupture & Repair Part 2: Connection, Disconnection, & Emotional Communication in Adults
Assigning fault and blame might feel good in a the moment, but it doesn’t help you or your relationship in the long run. Try this instead.
Hilary Jacobs Hendel
- Mar 9, 2020
- 6 min
Rupture & Repair Part 1:Connection, Disconnection, & Emotional Communication in Infancy
Why do some children become sad, withdrawn, insecure, or angry, whereas others become happy, curious, affectionate, and self-confident?
Hilary Jacobs Hendel
- Sep 12, 2019
- 3 min
Averting Disappointment on Your Birthday
Every year I was so excited for my birthday. And then came the crash.
Hilary Jacobs Hendel
- Jan 15, 2019
- 4 min
To Prevent Misunderstandings, Question Intent
Thinking before we speak is a skill that requires practice over a lifetime. It’s not about being perfect, it’s about caring enough to try.
Hilary Jacobs Hendel
- Nov 15, 2017
- 3 min
Fathers, Sons, & Intimacy
How would a little boy learn that it was good to express intimacy and affection if his own father could not? Answer: A little boy would not.
Hilary Jacobs Hendel
- Sep 14, 2017
- 4 min
The Problem With Yelling
“The problem with verbal abuse is there is no evidence,” Marta shared. She came for help with a long-standing depression.
Hilary Jacobs Hendel
- May 16, 2017
- 3 min
Am I Normal?
I suspected Robert’s sudden question about normalcy had to do with his new relationship. Love renders us vulnerable to rejection. We natural
Hilary Jacobs Hendel
- Nov 16, 2016
- 3 min
Why Am I Uncomfortable Getting Close To People?
Many of us as children or adolescents shared our feelings with the “wrong” person - someone whose response was to humiliate or reject us.
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