Hilary Jacobs Hendel | The Change Triangle
“Emotions” like anxiety and depression are often cover emotions for deeper emotions like grief and anger – and working through our resistance to these emotions so we can arrive at our “core” emotions can help us access our calm, compassionate self. In this episode, I bring on emotions educator Hilary Jacobs Hendel, author of “It’s Not Always Depression,” to give you tangible tools for working through anxiety and depression to have a richer emotional experience.
What You’ll Hear In This Episode:
17:20- Gaining control on how your emotions are expressed in your relationship
26:40- What is the “change triangle”?
32:00- How “inhibitory” emotions such as anxiety push down core emotions
35:00- How many people use thinking to avoid feeling emotions in the body
36:45-Being able to process the grief of possible loss in your relationship
41:10- What are you experiencing in your body when you feel relationship anxiety?
48:50- Feeling the “healing emotions”
54:25- Depression as a “defense”
Listen to the full podcast episode: click here
Guiding Yourself Towards Healthy and Happy Relationships with The Change Triangle: Hilary Jacobs Hendel
What You’ll Hear In This Episode:
Hilary discusses the 7 core emotions, and why they are each important.
The need for us to practice slowing down and really listen to each other.
99% of fights are miscommunications.
What is The Change Triangle?
We all have some level of dysfunction, but some people’s trauma can be more debilitating than others.
Should you add that it’s important for your partner to go to therapy in your dating profile?
How we can learn to have healthy conflict.
Video short: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dRzxIYxfEeg
Listen to the full podcast episode: click here
FOR THE LOVE WITH JENNIFER HATMAKER PODCAST
Making Good Use of Emotions With Hilary Jacobs Hendel
It’s so hard to feel your feelings—especially when you have all of them all at once, and it’s never a convenient time to process them. For the past year, we’ve all been stewing with anxiety, stress, anger, loneliness, grief, and fear. Ignoring our hard feelings might seem like the easiest way to cope and get relief—but it’s not the only option available to us. Our next guest in our For the Love of Reconnecting Series, psychoanalyst and therapist Hilary Jacobs Hendel, reminds us that when we disconnect from our harder emotions, we disconnect from the life-giving ones too, like joy—and don’t we all need more of that right now?. Hilary’s the author of a fascinating book called It’s Not Always Depression (and psst: she consulted on the psychological development of characters in Mad Men!), and she and Jen talk about the freedom we find when we realize emotions just are, and we don’t have to judge them. In fact, instead of shutting down, Hilary shows us how we can walk ourselves toward self-compassion and healing, which gives us real resilience—not the kind that we *think* we have by stuffing down our feelings.
This podcast shares ideas and concepts that are deeply human. In the podcast, we discuss holistic methodologies that help people heal and integrate the mind, body, and spirit. Through education, skills, and tools to work with emotions, we are empowered to overcome internal and external barriers and create a deeply meaningful existence.
NEW BOOKS IN PSYCHOLOGY PODCAST
"Depression and anxiety are not what you think they are, according to my guest. Often thought of as presenting problems in their own right, it might make more sense to think of them as clusters of symptoms deriving from underlying problems knowing and working with our core emotions. In her new book, It’s Not Always Depression: Working the Change Triangle to Listen to the Body, Discover Core Emotions, and Connect to Your Authentic Self (2018, Random House), Hilary Jacobs Hendel debunks common myths about what it means to be ‘depressed’ or ‘anxious’ and offers a fresh approach for working through these symptoms, using the Change Triangle. In our interview, we discuss how anyone can put the Change Triangle to work in order to relieve suffering and improve emotional awareness. We also address the key role trauma plays in the development of depression and anxiety symptoms, and how such trauma can be healed. This episode is for anyone wishing to gain lasting relief from long-standing emotional difficulties and become more connection with their emotional lives."
FEELIN WEIRD PODCAST VIDEO: RECOVERING FROM DEPRESSION, ANXIETY, AND CHILDHOOD TRAUMA
This was a fantastic interview with the compelling Kye Plant, Host of the Feelin Weird Podcast. Kye opens up about his own trauma and recovery and steers us into the most important topics to consider for emotional wellbeing. For viewers who get triggered into feeling small or "not good enough" at times (all of us!), this segment will likely resonate.
In this episode:
Learn why your depression has meaning and your brain can heal.
Learn about a new, scientifically-proven method called AEDP that heals chronic anxiety and depression.
Learn how to work safely with emotions and accept ourselves using a new tool called the Change Triangle.
Learn why tuning into the body is so important when it comes to wellbeing.
See a LIVE demo of AEDP psychotherapy
UNDERSTANDING OUR EMOTIONS IN RELATIONSHIPS
Understanding our emotions is a fundamental requirement for personal and relationship growth. This episode provides tips on how to better understand your emotions, share with your partner and connect more deeply.
In this episode, we discuss relationship advice topics that include:
Understanding how emotions work in the mind and body
How to work safely with our emotions and accept ourselves.
The importance of learning how to tune into our bodies.
How to deal with emotions like jealousy and process these emotions
How to communicate your emotions with your partner in the most productive ways
SPECIAL EPISODE FROM THE ONE YOU FEED PODCAST ON DEALING WITH ANGER FROM THE COVID CRISIS
“So many of us are feeling angry for a myriad of reasons amidst the COVID-19 pandemic. To help us better understand and work with our anger, Eric reached out to several previous guests of the show to ask them if they would be willing to talk with him for a special edition of The One You Feed Podcast about anger. They all generously agreed at a moment’s notice and this episode featuring 4 “mini-interviews” is the result. These are all new conversations with previous guests, Rick Hanson, Hilary Jacobs Hendel, Ruth King, and David Richo. Click here to listen.
WHY WE JUST CAN'T "GET OVER IT!"
“Every single human has surely suffered with feeling invalidated for their emotions." Many of us have never really learned the true anatomy of our emotions. I explain in this episode how we build our lives around avoiding the true feeling of our emotions. For many of us, our early experiences with emotions involved being told to ‘get over it’ in one way or another. But avoiding emotions leads to anxiety and depression and other symptoms. Fully embracing emotions like anger and hurt means going against our conditioning, and some of these emotions seem downright scary. Could we end up lashing out in rage? Or could embracing our pain actually open the pathway toward calm, composure and compassion? I walk us through the model I use to help people experience — often for the first time in their lives — how to fully feel a feeling, and the freedom that this experience offers us.” Click here to listen.
If you listen to podcasts and are into personal growth, you'll love this show. I was honored to sit down in person in Los Angeles with host, comedian, and mental health advocate, Paul Gilmartin. The conversation is up close and personal, as we discussed our own struggles. And, of course, we talked about why it’s crucial to understand emotions to thrive in modern life and what you need to know that can make a big difference in your immediate wellbeing. Hope you enjoy! Click here to listen.
BEFORE YOU KILL YOURSELF
A live therapy demonstration, tips for handling jealousy and envy, and the challenges of allowing ourselves to feel big and proud are just some of the topics we covered in this podcast. Host and comedian Leo Flowers asked important questions relevant for us all. You will get many practical tips and quite a bit of new information in this episode. I hope you enjoy listening as much as I enjoyed sharing.
I was at the iconic Strand Bookstore last Wednesday (2/7/18) to kick off the launch of It's Not Always Depression, my new book sharing the goldmine of emotion education I learned in my trauma and emotion-centered psychotherapy training so it can help all people who want to feel better. Watch it here on YouTube.
In this comprehensive hour long video, I share the origin of the Change Triangle, how it helps with anxiety, depression and more and why I am passionate about sharing it with others.
THE MINDFUL SPACE: WHAT ARE EMOTIONS?
Hillary Jacobs, author and psychotherapist, explains how emotions should be demystified to help us better explain, cope, and adapt to the world. She discusses the core emotions (sadness, anger, fear, disgust, joy, and excitement) and how we can educate ourselves about emotions to improve quality of life. Discover the role that your core emotions like joy, fear, sadness, or anger play in your life and what they might be telling you about what you should do for wellbeing and to thrive amidst life's many challenges. Listen on iTunes here: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/hilary-jacobs/id1648764251?i=1000599098789
Hilary Jacobs Hendel on emotions, types of shame, and slowing down
Psychotherapist and author Hilary Jacobs Hendel shares her deep knowledge of emotions and how we can use the change triangle to get reacquainted with the ebb and flow of feelings, our defences, and inhibitory emotions.
In this episode of The Apparently Parent Podcast, I want to tell you about such a tool. It's called The Change Triangle and it was developed by Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW, who is a guest in this episode. In the episode, Hilary and I talk about the change triangle and how it can play a role in your lives as parents (and also as just human beings with emotions, kids or no kids).
Why emotions are so important to your life
How to use The Change Triangle to handle emotions better
How to learn more about The Change Triangle
Using the Power of Emotions to Heal Depression and Loneliness
100. UNDERSTANDING EMOTIONS (WITH HILARY JACOBS HENDEL)
Hilary Jacobs Hendel (author of "It's Not Always Depression"; psychotherapist) explains AEDP, how emotions & trauma function, and how shame, depression, and anxiety act as adaptive states.
We also discuss emotion-phobic culture; laughter as a defense; feeling overwhelmed & dissociated; banishing parts of the self; repressing emotions; triggers; emotional neglect; "the body knows how to heal"; creating a sense of safety; and SO much more!
The mission for Close the Chapter Podcast is to help you through life’s transitions, navigate the hard and lonely times along the journey, learn helpful and powerful ways to cope with emotions and transitions, and empower you to discover the REAL you. In this episode, Kristen interviews me about using our emotions as a direct pathway to healing psychological suffering.This episode is to help you feel more calm, content, compassionate and connected. Hope you enjoy! Click here to listen.
THE CHANGE TRIANGLE FOR GUYS: NORMALIZING EMOTIONS FOR MEN WITH HILARY JACOBS HENDEL
THE BARBERSHOP GROUP PODCAST FOR MEN
The mission of The Barbershop Group is to create an emotionally safe space for men to discuss and address topics of mental health and wellbeing.
Men get a raw deal in our dysfunctional society. They are taught tender emotions like sadness and fear are weak. Men are taught it's weak to need love, friendship, soothing, tenderness in relationships, etc. Needs and emotions, other than anger and sexual excitement, get buried to uphold this unrealistic sense of manliness. Disavowing emotions and needs lead to anxiety, depression, addictions, aggression, and more. But anyone can learn and grow to feel stronger, calmer, and more confident. It begins with a practical education in emotions. The Change Triangle is my favorite tool.
Kylie McBeath is all about health, growth, love, and wellbeing. In this episode we talk about how to use emotions for greater wellbeing. Hope you enjoy! Click here to listen.
Recently I was interviewed by Eric Zimmer, host of the award-winning podcast The One You Feed. I think it is one of the best interviews on emotions I have done (she said humbly) so I am sharing it. Emotion education has so many benefits and we get none of this life-changing information in our formal schooling…yet. The Change Triangle is an invaluable tool for anyone with emotions — which is all of us — to meet the many emotional challenges of modern life.
"Beneath anxiety, depression, guilt, and shame, are core emotions that are hardwired into our circuitry. When you’re able to tap into the core emotions – and move through them – you’ll feel a new sense of freedom and empowerment – with the ability to handle anything that life sends your way. Our guest today is Hilary Jacobs Hendel. She’s a psychotherapist and the author of the new book, “It’s Not Always Depression: Working the Change Triangle to Listen to the Body, Discover Core Emotions, and Connect to Your Authentic Self,” which will definitely be a game changer for you. Today she has some practical tips for you on how to identify and work through these core emotions, so that you don’t get stuck in the secondary emotions that can get in your way.
I really enjoyed my time chatting with the young and energetic Ricardo Mirville. His new podcast The Internal Battle addresses the conflicts that hold as back from becoming our most confident selves. Check it out! Below is a snippet:
KAREN HUNTER SHOW | SIRIUS XM URBAN VIEW
I was so thrilled to be on The Karen Hunter Show on SiriusXM Radio on Wednesday (2/7/18). Click here to listen to a segment on wallowing in sadness. Karen Hunter, Cousin Syl, and I discuss grief and sadness. Karen doesn't like the idea of wallowing. But I try to help her understand the difference between wallowing and allowing ourselves to feel so we can heal. Important topic!
Click here to listen to the The Biggest Job podcast. We talked about emotions and parenting.
Click here to listen to Mental Health News Radio. This podcast is on relationships, core emotions and trauma.
TRAUMA THERAPIST PODCAST
Click here to listen to the Trauma Therapist podcast. I talk about AEDP, the emotion-centered, trauma and attachment-oriented psychotherapy I practice. We also talk about shame-based depression and what that means.
ESTHER PEREL'S SALON ON RELATIONSHIPS
Listen to Esther Perel and me discuss how a basic education in emotions helps our relationships thrive and grow deeper. Click below to watch:
Click here to listen to a new podcast on core emotions and The Change Triangle.