"It's Not Always Depression" should be a foundational and mandatory piece of the curriculum of every school district in our country.  Teachers, coaches, and administrators are simply not equipped to address the necessary emotional regulation of students, and at no point in their education are students ever armed with the skills to recognize, be with, and manage their own emotions with curiosity and compassion.  So many of society's ills at large (as well as our own internal conflicts) could be safely and productively addressed if this book were on every bookshelf in America.  I cannot more strongly recommend this book for anyone and everyone.  In the words of Dr. Diana Fosha, "The bottom line is this: if you're a human, I recommend that you read this book."

- Damon Parker, High School teacher and coach, Kansas

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"If you were raised in a family where certain core emotions - like anger or sadness - were discouraged or shamed - then you are prone to have other emotional and psychological issues, like depression. This book clearly explains the connection and provides the invaluable tool of the Change Triangle, whose corners include defenses, inhibitory emotions and core emotions. The book teaches you how to identify where you are and how to accept and work with the various emotions, particularly in their physical manifestation. I have already used some of the techniques with success to address anxiety. A key book that deserves attention." 

-Amazon Reviewer, Vine Voice, Bronx Book Nerd, Bronx, NY, 10/19/21

“Your work has transformed the way I conduct psychotherapy. The Change Triangle generates such clarity and coherence within the overwhelming process of regulating emotions. Also, I’m grateful to have a model that conceptualizes emotions as wisdom- so important. Thank you for your work! I lead all my clients to your book and the language of your work is a golden thread in our therapy. Not to mention the impact it’s had on my own life. Grateful!”

-Whitney Dyer, LCSW Dallas

"Your book is excellent! One of the best psychology/self-help books I have ever read and has already helped me a lot. I can tell it speaks from effective experience and authority on the subject." -Jeffrey Li, Business Man

"This book is one of those life-changing books that I believe every human on the planet should read. I loved it so much, after I read the book, I bought the digital version and the audiobook . This book needs to be read and reread a second and third time until the content is digested and settled into your consciousness. I can’t rave enough about this book and I urge you to go out and get yourself a copy. Easily one of my top three books I’ve ever read! I strongly believe it is essential reading for everyone and anyone who wants to live an emotionally healthy and fulfilling life. I can’t thank the author @hilaryjacobshendel enough for writing this book"

-Larry @lavidamango via Instagram

"Since I discovered the Change Triangle a few months ago, I often use it in my therapeutic work and supervisory. The schema of the Triangle with two corners on the top, which represent defense behavior and/or inhibitory emotions, and the third corner on the bottom, which represents our core emotions, is very clear, understandable and useful. Particularly strong invitation to change is the state of openheartedness, to which one can come with touch with him/herself, his/her deepest feelings and compassion for him/herself. I also use the Change Triangle model in supervisions - to get a better insight into the dynamics of the client, to help the supervisee to gain a better insight into him/herself or within our interpersonal dynamic, or to get a clearer insight in my intrapsychic dynamic as a supervisor. Learning about where I am in the triangle opens the better way of self-disclosure, real connection with my supervisee and mutual affect regulation. In the training of novice supervisors I encourage the use and different ways of applying the tool  of the Change Triangle to their practice."-Tatjana Rozic, PhD, social worker, relational family therapist and supervisor; The Family Study and Research Centre, Ljubljana, Slovenia.

"Congratulations on your book ‘It’s Not Always Depression’. For me it transcends the genre of ’self help’ books.

I had some prior insight into AEDP but was skeptical it may be helpful for me. The intense emotions and memories that arose during my initial reading after years of therapy have led me to believe I am wrong. I now have hope that with the right support I can heal emotionally and alleviate the continual exhausting analysis and attempted intellectual appreciation of my emotions, thoughts and behaviors in an effort to manage better day to day. Complimenting an author is a first for me, as is reading a self help book from cover to cover, let alone picking it up to reread. I am profoundly affected by the knowledge you have shared with such compassion and in an approachable manner. Thank you." - Anonymous in Australia
 

“Your book is incredibly insightful as a road map for beginning to pinpoint and understand emotions and their source.  How common it is for most of us to ruminate or push forward without understanding the source of one's feelings or actions.  This book is particularly powerful as you offer a visual map, the change triangle, to organize the diagnosis and source of feelings and corresponding actions.” -Tom

“It’s Not Always Depression…” delivers a very important and substantial contribution to self-help books on dealing with life challenges that I am confident will be of great help to so many people, both in therapy communities and, most especially, outside of them. I’ve had the good fortune of previewing an advanced copy of this book and I can vouch for it being an especially clear, coherent, accessible and relatable primer on the value of getting to know and getting more comfortable with our emotions. Using the Change Triangle in day to day life really is a passport to wellbeing and life satisfaction. The author's writing style is approachable, engaging, fun and motivating. For all these reasons, this book is going to be a top, go-to recommendation for my clients, colleagues, friends and family." -Benjamin Lipton, LCSW

"This gets two thumbs up from me. It is incredibly well-organized which is helpful. The key thing about this book, for me, is that this is about working with yourself. This isn't a book to get to learn how to help a friend. It's about how to help yourself. Now once you've done the work, it would be a great book to tell a friend about." -Arwen in N.M.

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"This practical and clearly written self-help book written by a gifted therapist helps the reader learn the incredible importance of understanding and accepting our core emotions and the variety of ways we use defenses and other emotions (anxiety, guilt, and shame) to protect us (even though they cause us pain as well).

It is filled with examples from her personal life and her work with patients to help you understand the importance of discovering and accepting your emotional responses and how to use that knowledge to better navigate your life."

-Lawrence Drell, M.D.

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“It’s not Always Depression is the most innovative and well-grounded self-help title on depression and beyond I’ve read in years.The Change Triangle may prove an efficient therapeutic tool for both patients and psychotherapists to combat psychological problems by reconnecting the self to its core emotions and basic physical reactions. Moreover, Hilary Jacobs Hendel’s writing is lucid and accessible, which makes her method as clear and practical as you can get in self-help titles.”- Mateusz Chaberski, Acquisitions Editor at Jagiellonian University Press in Poland

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“The way you talk about the change triangle has made a real difference for me and a lot of my clients and colleagues. Your clarity takes the sting out of the way we (people) get stuck in defensive feelings and/or frustration with feeling parts that carry negative feelings. Through your eyes, one can begin to see one's relationship with the many characters (parts and people in one's life) with more compassion." - Doris Wolz-Cohen, MFT

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"Through empathetic, refreshingly honest and visceral patient studies, a thorough breakdown of HJH’s work with AEDP and a collection of quizzes, tests, experiments and thought exercises, HJH implores us to rediscover our core emotions using the simple method in the form of the Change Triangle. I too was slightly dubious about this subject at the start of reading It’s Not Always Depression but as HJH hits her stride and begins to impart some much needed wisdom about our emotional needs and how to work towards restoring the flow of our core emotions, I became seriously impressed. Yeah it is not the neuroscience treat that I envisioned but it is only a step away from it. The Change Triangle is made up of defensive behaviour, inhibitory emotions and core emotions. Each step leads to deeper acknowledgements of our emotional brain and how it affects our bodies." - Review by Always Trust in Books

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"Your book is phenomenal. I have started a new program called Life Renewal to overcome substance abuse and other addictions. It is all emotion based and about changing belief systems and feeling awareness! Love to discuss with you."

-Scott Steindorff, Film and Television Producer and Recovery Advocate

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"I’ve just started reading your book, and I have to say I have really struggled to find any extensive reading material that has really resonated with me like your work has done thus far. I have tried to find a lot of books and online sources on emotional psychology and majority all run from the purely opposite perspective of emotional intelligence and learning to manage emotions when they are too overwhelming and begin to interfere with your life. This concept of The Change Triangle has been the first to feel relevant to me and even the first activity of identifying my defences has had me reflecting on interactions recently where I struggled to process my emotions and to actually help me recognise the anxiety behind these defences that I don’t even quite allow myself to experience. It’s been amazing to then just look at these recent interactions and emotional defences I have enforced and trying to ask myself questions about the emotions I was feeling and acknowledging them. 

Like I said earlier, I have barely scraped the surface of your book just yet but I did watch your talk early last year at the Strand bookstore with Dr Courtney Rennicke on the release of your book and I felt obliged to write this and express how comforting it is to find something that relates so well and to praise you in what you aimed to achieve in an accessible and relatable display of this theory of the Change triangle. I look forward to see what work comes from you in the future and wish you all the best."
-Harriet, Australia

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