Is the Change Triangle for Self-help or Psychotherapy?
- 2 days ago
- 4 min read
The answer is both. Here's why and how to use it:
The Change Triangle® is a universal tool for understanding and working with emotions in the body and mind. Whether used on your own or in psychotherapy, it helps build a more regulated nervous system, deepen self-understanding, and strengthen connections with others. Learning to identify yourself on the three corners of the Change Triangle and in the openhearted state of the authentic self helps you feel calmer, clearer, more confident, and more connected to your authentic self.
Important facts: Working with emotions means learning to make space for them instead of avoiding them. Emotions carry important information that serves as a compass for living. When we bury emotions, we often develop anxiety, depression, disconnection, and/or physical symptoms. Energy that could support vitality and creativity instead gets used to keeping parts of ourselves hidden.
The Change Triangle teaches us how to recognize, name, and experience emotions safely and constructively so we don’t automatically suppress or avoid them. This process reduces anxiety and depressive symptoms while improving overall wellbeing.
Working with emotions does NOT mean wallowing, acting impulsively, or using emotional expression to manipulate others. The Change Triangle is an internal practice that restores balance between mind and body, thinking and feeling, head and heart.
Here are several ways people can engage with and use the Change Triangle®:
Level 1: Intellectual Learning and Emotional Education
At this level, a person simply learns about the Change Triangle. One way to do this is by reading or listening to the easy, accessible, and practical book I wrote for people fifteen years old and older entitled, It's Not Always Depression.
You can also read a one-page description of the Change Triangle here.
Learning about emotions, even just on a cerebral level, can foster greater self-compassion and improve relationships because you’ll now understand that tender emotions drive protective behaviors.
Emotions cannot be stopped, only blocked, because they are biological survival programs. Because emotions affect us every day (for better and for worse), learning about emotions is as fundamental as learning our ABCs.
Level 2: Using the Change Triangle as a Self-Help Tool
At this level, a person actively practices the exercises from the It's Not Always Depression and Parents Have Feelings, Too books. They begin working the Change Triangle in everyday life as a mindfulness practice for working with emotions. They learn to identify defenses, regulate anxiety, shame, and guilt, and name the core emotions arising moment to moment.
Through the real-life stories of seven courageous individuals shared in It's Not Always Depression, readers learn how emotions and bodily sensations can be safely experienced and processed (released) rather than avoided. This experiential approach is also demonstrated in this video: Experiential Processing Demonstration
Level 3: Using the Change Triangle to Heal Old Wounds
At this level, a person continues the basic self-help practices I mentioned above, while also exploring how present-day triggers connect to past experiences, including childhood wounds and traumas. They may begin working with “parts” of themselves to recognize younger emotional states that become activated in current situations. I showed detailed work with “parts“ in the book.
Here is an autobiographical example of what this process can look like in real life:
Level 4: Using the Change Triangle in Psychotherapy
At this level, a person may bring the Change Triangle into psychotherapy or seek out an AEDP or other experiential therapist for additional support.
For many people, emotions initially feel too overwhelming or frightening to process alone. With an experienced therapist, processing feelings is made infinitely more bearable.
You may struggle with persistent symptoms such as anxiety, depression, trauma responses, or relationship difficulties that may require professional help. Processing emotions buried long ago by paying attention to the sensations in the body, turbo charges healing. Energy that was used to block emotions is now free for vital and engaged living.The healing potential of this work is demonstrated throughout the stories in It's Not Always Depression.
Even simply visualizing the Change Triangle during a distressing moment—and recalling the basics of core emotions, inhibitory emotions, defenses, and the openhearted state of the authentic self—can help bring greater self-awareness, self-understanding, and emotional regulation. Print a copy of the Change Triangle here to use as a guide in daily life.
The Change Triangle sets the stage for a lifelong journey toward emotional health. That is the purpose of my books, blog, and the Emotions Education 101™ curricula. I hope you’ll feel inspired to continue learning.
More Resources
It’s Not Always Depression: Working the Change Triangle to Listen to the Body, Discover Core Emotions, and Connect With Your Authentic Self (Random House & Penguin UK)
Parents Have Feelings, Too — the Change Triangle for Parenting
Emotions Education 101™ — 8-Module Turnkey Curriculum for Adults
Emotions Education 101™ for Teens — 2-Hour Workshop Curriculum
