top of page
Hilary Jacobs Hendel | The Change Triangle
®

Welcome to Hilary's Blog
It's Not Always Depression
Search

Hilary Jacobs Hendel
Jan 284 min read
The Two Kinds of Anger and How to Process Them
Anger happens to all of us. When we get angry, we must work with it so we don't suppress it. Suppressing anger makes us depressed and/or...

Hilary Jacobs Hendel
Dec 7, 20243 min read
Scripts to Get Beyond Defensiveness to Relate Authentically with Emotions
Consider these scripts designed to soften defenses so you can relate more authentically with emotions in mind.


Hilary Jacobs Hendel
Oct 7, 20236 min read
Defining & Finding Your Authentic Self
Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom. - Aristotle Lillian, a patient of mine, didn’t know who she truly was. She lacked a...


Hilary Jacobs Hendel
Mar 12, 20234 min read
3 Reasons Why It’s Scary to Feel Good About Yourself
In the kind of psychotherapy I practice called AEDP, we often focus on feel-good emotions like joy and pride. Deepening the experience of...


Hilary Jacobs Hendel
May 9, 20224 min read
“He’s an Idiot!” Considering the Judgments We All Make
"He's an idiot," my father would snap when someone didn't do something the way he wanted. It didn't bother me then. But now I realize my...


Hilary Jacobs Hendel and Joanne Silver Jones
Mar 7, 20224 min read
The Emotional Toll of Traumatic Brain Injury
The emotional challenges following a traumatic brain injury are many.


Hilary Jacobs Hendel
Feb 7, 20223 min read
Four Ways to Engage with the Change Triangle Tool for Emotional Health
Most people have never had any emotions education at all. In 2022, this is an astounding fact. As a result of the lack of education in...


Hilary Jacobs Hendel
Jan 10, 20224 min read
22 Crucial Things to Know About Emotions for Emotional Health
Our dysfunctional society fails to educate us on emotions. Here are a few basics to start you on your way to more knowledge.

Hilary Jacobs Hendel
Oct 10, 20217 min read
5 Crucial Qualities to Seek in a Life Partner
Dating tips for finding emotional intimacy and connection


Hilary Jacobs Hendel
Jul 5, 20214 min read
5 Important Things to Know About Toxic Shame
Hilary Jacobs Hendel explains the difference between healthy and toxic shame. The Change Triangle tool guides healing.


Hilary Jacobs Hendel
May 7, 20215 min read
From Confusion to Clarity
(The personal reflections on confusion quoted throughout this article were generously shared by "Michele." Thank you, Michele.) "I often...


Hilary Jacobs Hendel
Apr 8, 20214 min read
3 Reasons to Hold Hope for Healing Emotional Pain
It's hard to hold hope that healing and transformation are possible especially if nothing has helped so far. Here's why I hold hope.


Hilary Jacobs Hendel
Mar 9, 20215 min read
The Important Difference Between Anxiety and Fear
Anxiety and fear are words often used interchangeably. But they are not the same! Distinguishing between anxiety and fear is crucial.

Hilary Jacobs Hendel
Jan 8, 20215 min read
4 Ways to Increase Joy: Putting the Science of Joy into Everyday Practice
Joy is one of the seven core emotions on the Change Triangle. Joy, like all core emotions, has a particular feeling in the body, although...


Hilary Jacobs Hendel
Nov 12, 20205 min read
How to Release Sadness: Lessons from Experiential Psychotherapy
Did you ever have the feeling that you were sad and needed a good cry, but you couldn’t get the tears out? I certainly have.
Hilary Jacobs Hendel
Oct 8, 20206 min read
When Buried Anger Leads to Depression & How To Heal
When someone is depressed, it's worth asking what other emotions they might have buried deep inside that need to be dealt with.


Hilary Jacobs Hendel
Aug 11, 20203 min read
A New Way to Understand & Treat Depression: Part 2 The Story of Phil and His Grief
When someone we love dies, sadness is the healthy biological response to our loss. We cannot just ‘get over it’ or ‘suck it up’.


Hilary Jacobs Hendel
Jul 11, 20205 min read
A New Way To Understand and Treat Depression and Suicidal Thoughts: Part 1 - The Story of Alex
Think depression is only about a flaw in chemistry? Think again.


Hilary Jacobs Hendel
May 6, 20208 min read
Rupture & Repair Part 2: Connection, Disconnection, & Emotional Communication in Adults
Assigning fault and blame might feel good in a the moment, but it doesn’t help you or your relationship in the long run. Try this instead.


Hilary Jacobs Hendel
Feb 1, 20206 min read
Healing Chronic Boredom
Rachel grew up in a chaotic household. When I met her as a young adult, she didn’t seem to care much about anything.
bottom of page