Hilary Jacobs Hendel | The Change Triangle
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Welcome! I am glad you are here.
You are in the right place for:
To start, follow the 2 simple steps below.
Step 1: Watch these 3-minute introductory videos that explain the Change Triangle.
Step 2: Read the brief explanation of the Change Triangle—and how it can help you feel better today and over your lifetime. Visit here.
The best way to learn the Change Triangle is through these two books—written in plain language, with relatable stories that bring the Change Triangle to life and make complex ideas easy to grasp.
No jargon, no psychobabble—just real stories of people working the Change Triangle and clear explanations anyone can follow. Accessible, engaging, and designed to be understood by teens and adults alike.
Explore more ways to learn and practice the Change Triangle to heal old wounds and connect with your authentic self.
Discover free resources, classes, and curricula to help you gently heal old emotional wounds, ease anxiety and depression, and reconnect with your true self using the Change Triangle as your guide.
Dear Reader,
My goal is to educate people on the benefits of understanding what emotions really are and how they affect our mind, brain and body--which they do!
We live in a culture that values thoughts and logic over emotions. But science has proven it is not healthy to tune out our emotions and we do not have to choose between our thoughts and our emotions. We can become aware of both and understand how thoughts and emotions work together to help us feel better or feel worse depending on how we work with them.
Emotions are very unique in their potential to cause traumatic stress and everyday distress. But what most people do not know, because we were never taught this in school, is that emotions are the doorway to healing our anxieties, depression, low self-esteem, and other mental health symptoms. Working with our emotions in very specific ways, which is what the Change Triangle tool for emotional health is all about, helps us manage daily life with more ease and helps us meet the challenges of our relationships.
Please use this site as a resource. My articles, blog, a brief explanation of The Change Triangle tool for emotional health, videos, classes, curricula, Train the Trainer Workshop, and the books, It's Not Always Depression, and Parents Have Feelings, Too, are resources to help you and others learn what are emotions and how to work with them to feel better. In all my work, I try to use simple, jargon-free language with stories and little "experiments" to help bring the concepts to life. Thank you for visiting.
Warmly,
Hilary
Upcoming Events, Classes & Workshops
LIVE EVENT! Parents Have Feelings, Too Book Tour Dates
Tickets NYC: 9/23/25 Barnes and Noble 82nd & Broadway
NYC: 9/24/25 Stavros Niarchos Foundation Library
Want to enhance your emotional literacy and wellbeing? Visit the EE 101 class webpage here to learn more and register. For questions, contact hilaryjacobshendel@gmail.com or Heather Sanford, LCSW at sanford.he@gmail.com
(For professionals who want to teach emotions education)
(Tuition includes the Emotions Education 101 Turnkey Curriculum
(Early-Bird Discount Now)
Monday, November 3rd 2025
Want us to train your organization to run these classes? Visit the Train the Trainer webpage here to learn more. This workshop is led by Heather Sanford, CSW & Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW. For questions, contact Heather Sanford at sanford.he@gmail.com or Hilary Jacobs Hendel at hilaryjacobshendel@gmail.com.
EE 101 Turnkey Curriculum
Want to purchase the Emotions Education 101 Turnkey Curriculum? Visit here to learn more. For questions, contact Heather Sanford at sanford.he@gmail.com or Hilary Jacobs Hendel at hilaryjacobshendel@gmail.com.
Join my email list or check back soon for more learning opportunities
Finally, a practical book to help parents feel better!
Click here to pre-order: Parents Have Feelings, Too
To read my new NPR opinion piece, Feeling Ragey? Don't Bury Your Anger, Process It. Here's How. Click here.
To read my TIME opinion piece, Anxiety Feels Terrible, But it Has an Upside. Here's How to Make it Work in Your Favor click here.
To read my New York Times opinion piece, "It's Not Always Depression, Sometimes It's Shame," click here.
To read my New York Times opinion piece, "The Healing Power of Hugs" click here.
Watch a full presentation on the Change Triangle. Learn a tool to prevent, ease, and heal anxiety and depression. Connect with your authentic self with more regularity.
Please enjoy this interview where I demystify emotions so they can be used for health and wellbeing. I discuss core emotions such as sadness, anger, fear, disgust and how we can educate ourselves about emotions to improve quality of life. Learn what you need to know to help you thrive. Enjoy! Watch here.
It’s so hard to feel feelings—especially when you have all of them all at once, and it’s never a convenient time to process them. For the past year, we’ve all been stewing with anxiety, stress, anger, loneliness, grief, and fear. Ignoring our hard feelings might seem like the easiest way to cope and get relief—but it’s not the only option available to us. Psychoanalyst and therapist Hilary Jacobs Hendel, reminds us that when we disconnect from our harder emotions, we disconnect from the life-giving ones too, like joy—and don’t we all need more of that right now? Instead of shutting down, Hilary shows us how we can walk ourselves toward reconnection and healing, which gives us real resilience—not the kind that we *think* we have by stuffing down our feelings. Click here to listen.
"Mark Groves from Create the Love and the Mark Groves Podcast writes, “Every single human has surely suffered with feeling invalidated for their emotions. Many of us have never really learned the true anatomy of our emotions. Hilary walks us through the model she uses that allows people to experience — often for the first time in their lives — how to fully feel a feeling, and the freedom that this experience offers us.” Click here to listen.
Listen to an interview that will help you understand and work with your emotions, and teach you a path to vitality, resilience and authentic living. From on the award-winning podcast, "The One You Feed," Click here.
To read my Time.com opinion piece, "Ignoring Your Emotions Is Bad for Your Health. Here's What to Do About It" click here.
To read my Salon.com opinion piece, "What toxic stress does to a child’s brain — and how to heal it" click here.
To check out the Q & A on Learning to Identify—and Release—Your Core Emotions called, click here.
To read my piece on shame and perfectionism called, "How Rewiring My Brain Saved My Relationship" click here.
"There can be no positive change without first understanding each other to find common ground." To read my FOX news piece on using positive communication to find common ground, click here.
To read about my experience as Mental Health Consultant for Matt Weiner's Emmy Award winning series on AMC, Mad Men, click here.
I was at the iconic Strand Bookstore to kick off the launch of It's Not Always Depression, my new book sharing the goldmine of emotion education I learned in my trauma and emotion-centered psychotherapy training so it can help all people who want to feel better. Watch it here on YouTube.
